Have your mom study all practice tests on the CA DMV site. So very necessary. I failed twice same day because I didn’t study. Then passed on third try. I’m 77.
I meant to add there are definitely new hearing aid technologies - USB charging overnight so no batteries to change, settings for loud environments, phone calls can go directly to hearing aids - the audiologist will tell her all about it. Can really improve one's quality of life!
Thank you, Lisa. I'll pass on the information on hearing aids to Mom. Those are incredible tech improvements that you mention. The ability to hear defines so much of our lives.
I appreciate and enjoy all of your posts, but this one is my very favorite. Thank you so very much for sharing.
My mom is 79. She is slowing down, but she is still way more active than I am at age 49. She plays golf every week, runs/walks, goes to the gym, has a more active social life than I do… I spent the day with her yesterday. We went to our favorite Lebanese restaurant (a real gem that’s been open since the ‘80’s, a literal “hole in the wall” with a patio, check out Mama’s Bakery if you’re ever near Balboa Park) and then wandered around Balboa Park. My mom still lives in the home I grew up in, which is quite near the park, so it was extra fun and nostalgic for me. She surprised me with a couple of tidbits… About how nervous she was to compose her one and only résumé (she spent 35 years as a pediatric OT for the county right out of college, retired, then applied at the children’s hospital and worked 10 more years). She shared how much she loved spending time with her maternal grandmother in the mountains above Denver (where she was raised), learning to sew/cook/fish while wearing her aunt’s too large cowboy boots, and how when they needed a ride to town they’d hitchhike (grandpa was a double amputee). Regarding hearing aids, when she realized she needed them she immediately got what was recommended because she didn’t want to miss out on anything! She can adjust them via her phone for optimal versatility.
Being a mom myself, I often wonder if I’ve done the best I can. My kids are amazing individuals and I know they know how much they’re loved, so I suppose I’ve done alright.
Incredible and inspiring, Emily. Our moms came from a generation of can-do, must-do, no complainers.
And your granddaddy was a double amputee from WWI? The hearing aids you describe are more advanced than what my dad used. Thank goodness. So it'll be a matter of helping my mom figure it out.
Sounds like you've done more than alright for your kids. I'm sure of that, Emily.
My great grandfather was run over by a train in an accident as a kid! My mom told me that he insisted on being able to dance before he married my great grandmother. I just learned this yesterday!
Andrea, I love this piece! Read it first thing upon waking this morning -- what a lovely way to start Mother's Day. You captured your mom so beautifully, and there's so much to relate to. I'm glad I'm a paid subscriber so I could read to the end.
i love hearing that. i am 69 with working hands, from catering and massage and genetics. i love the way my hands and fingers look. they're real and they're me. just like your mum.
Great to see your mom still in the kitchen,(and driving)! A gift for an entire life, Great inspiration. I have helped our mom, get back to her food roots.
Although our mothers are the same age, (90 this year). Our mom is an academic, (doesn’t drive anymore). A natural book worm who loves word finds, scrambles and (on a good day)occasional crosswords. She is half Chinese, part Japanese and Hawaiian.
We have gotten through some medical hoops thankfully with improved nutrition-where less is more, and simple is best. Mom has mid-late stage dementia.
I’m happy to have stumbled upon your site! Will make use of your delicious recipes!
What a beautiful piece to read, Andrea, especially for me as a Vietnamese-American woman. Your mother sounds lovely and so similar to my own mother. Long post ahead. I don't have any children and don't plan to, but I am growing evermore cognizant of my mother aging especially this year, and we too are living in a phase of life where we’re in between.
My dad had a stroke 3 months prior (he is 78 and is stable in hospice care now) and she is a big worrywart (currently 65 years old). We are adjusting to the shift in family dynamic since we had a very traditional Vietnamese household where my dad did everything with paperwork/bills because he is fluent in English and my mom was the homemaker and raised the children (my sister and I, plus helping to raise a number of our cousins). My older sister and I (27) have been helping her with all the paperwork and phone calls following my dad's health declining. But she is also very much a do-er, like she can watch a recipe video on Youtube and has the confidence in her abilities to be able to do that, and is unafraid of any challenge. She always puts others first (her fatal flaw).
She immigrated to the US at age 31 and met my dad here in the US (the fateful story of how they met is for another post perhaps). She had me via natural birth at age 38, which is pretty late in life (especially in the 90s!). Her English is very broken but she understands it well enough, and she would chaperone at some of my school field trips when I was a kid purely because I asked her to.
She is the 5th oldest of 14 siblings (3rd oldest girl), and was very involved in raising her siblings and managing her family's medicine/general store in Hue.
She is very fit and active for her age, and is very healthy aside from her plantar fasciitis and occasional stomach pains. Last year, she got to return to Vietnam for the first time since they left 34 years prior, and it was very emotional for her. My sister and I were unable to go due to work conflicts, but we were exuberated for her (my dad declined to go as he fought for the Southern Vietnamese and refuses to return).
My sister and I call her the original "almond" mom/organic mom in our family because she was aware of the quality of the food/ingredients in America far before it became more common knowledge. She avoided fast food and restaurant food, and was adamant in cooking our meals every night instead of eating out. By day, she works with her hands to solder electronics while looking in a microscope, and by night, she would come home to make dinner for us no matter how tired she was, same as yours. Preparing food/meals for others is her love language. My sister and I always leave my mother's house with containers of food she made for us to take home (although it is more difficult for me now because I live further and need to take a flight back), and sometimes we leave with the occasional plant (that immediately perishes under my care 🥲). Our family parties always have amazing food due to her ability to basically cater for the party, making banh duc/beo, or banh canh for over 30 people, but the work required is definitely weighing on her at this point due to her age.
She loves to garden and has a thriving garden with a kaffir lime tree, chayote vines, a persimmon tree, Thai chili plant, and various Vietnamese herbs. She can spend hours out there and I often take pictures to document the life she has made in the US. She also has an outdoor kitchen space for frying.
When I visit home now, I ask my mom about her life before she came to the US, and what she did for fun when she was my age. I ask what her day-to-day was like and who her friends were, and what she did for work. Basically who she was before we came into the picture.
She is still very nimble in the kitchen, and, like your mother, cooking, television and the iPad keep her engaged. I got her Youtube Premium so she can watch all the videos of Vietnam vlogs and listen to Vietnamese music ad-free. I have also learned how to make a few dishes from her, like a pickled veggie dish similar to your mom's - dua gia (pickled bean sprouts/carrots/green onion or chive), as well as bo kho, thit kho trung/tom, ca kho, bun chay, and bun rieu. I would love to learn how to make her banh canh or banh beo next. There is so much more I would love to learn from and about my mother.
Appreciate your post and thank you for sharing and creating this space. Looking forward to your next update.
Hello Xi, What a lovely woman your mom is. A Hue woman making dua gia, bo kho, and thit kho trung -- she's got her southern Viet dishes down! You do need to ask her about banh beo, bun bo hue, and other central Viet dishes. Oh, and banh khoai too. I have a recipe for it in Ever-Green Vietnamese and think the Hue crepes are better than southern banh xeo.
Your mom and dad went through a lot in Vietnam. I hope you get more of her remembrances. Going back to visit is hard. My parents never went. Vietnam is no longer the country they knew.
Best regards to you, your mom and your entire family.
Love this piece about your mom. We’re the same age and my mom would be 74 if she were still alive. I’m happy to hear your mom may be considering hearing aids. I run a Costco Hearing Aid Center if you have any questions.
Your mom sounds very much like you - practical and adaptable. Sadly, my mother-in-law refuses to get hearing aids and I worry that her hearing loss has exacerbated her depression and cognitive decline.
It's estimated that something like only 20% of people who need hearing aids get them. I have friends in their 70s who would benefit from them but they won't go for them. It doesn't come back so why miss out? I hope your mother-in-law changes her mind. Not fully experiencing life, especially in this phase, can be delibitating.
I love your stories of family and Vietnam. I am a Vietnam Vet, 1967,1968,1970 and 1971. I have been back to Vietnam for vacations in 1998, 2008 and 2014. I have always loved the people and cherish the Vietnamese relationships I established here in the US. In 1970 I was stationed in Nhut Ninh, Long An Province. In the village, when we were not off fighting the war, my team often went downtown(?) for meals. The locals created a chicken stew that was very brown and delicious. Unfortunately, I have never found a similar dish here in the US. I do frequent Vietnamese restaurants here in Tucson but still no luck. Any ideas?
My mother died at 93 years of age. I still tell her stories. They make me feel so good. And I love and enjoy the stories of your mother. They remind me of mine.
Hi Andy, First off, thank for your service. Your tours of duty were much appreciated by many people, most of whom will never have the chance to thank you.
You experienced Vietnam in some wretched situations. I'm relieved to know that you have fond memories of the place and its flavors. I hope that stew has some aspect of what you enjoyed years ago.
Have your mom study all practice tests on the CA DMV site. So very necessary. I failed twice same day because I didn’t study. Then passed on third try. I’m 77.
Got it, Lois! I'll pass the tip on to her. She's going in to take the test in person.
So glad your mother is still VERY interested in food and taste. If that changes, it could be a bad sign.
You two are having a lot of fun together in the kitchen!
I meant to add there are definitely new hearing aid technologies - USB charging overnight so no batteries to change, settings for loud environments, phone calls can go directly to hearing aids - the audiologist will tell her all about it. Can really improve one's quality of life!
Thank you, Lisa. I'll pass on the information on hearing aids to Mom. Those are incredible tech improvements that you mention. The ability to hear defines so much of our lives.
I appreciate and enjoy all of your posts, but this one is my very favorite. Thank you so very much for sharing.
My mom is 79. She is slowing down, but she is still way more active than I am at age 49. She plays golf every week, runs/walks, goes to the gym, has a more active social life than I do… I spent the day with her yesterday. We went to our favorite Lebanese restaurant (a real gem that’s been open since the ‘80’s, a literal “hole in the wall” with a patio, check out Mama’s Bakery if you’re ever near Balboa Park) and then wandered around Balboa Park. My mom still lives in the home I grew up in, which is quite near the park, so it was extra fun and nostalgic for me. She surprised me with a couple of tidbits… About how nervous she was to compose her one and only résumé (she spent 35 years as a pediatric OT for the county right out of college, retired, then applied at the children’s hospital and worked 10 more years). She shared how much she loved spending time with her maternal grandmother in the mountains above Denver (where she was raised), learning to sew/cook/fish while wearing her aunt’s too large cowboy boots, and how when they needed a ride to town they’d hitchhike (grandpa was a double amputee). Regarding hearing aids, when she realized she needed them she immediately got what was recommended because she didn’t want to miss out on anything! She can adjust them via her phone for optimal versatility.
Being a mom myself, I often wonder if I’ve done the best I can. My kids are amazing individuals and I know they know how much they’re loved, so I suppose I’ve done alright.
Incredible and inspiring, Emily. Our moms came from a generation of can-do, must-do, no complainers.
And your granddaddy was a double amputee from WWI? The hearing aids you describe are more advanced than what my dad used. Thank goodness. So it'll be a matter of helping my mom figure it out.
Sounds like you've done more than alright for your kids. I'm sure of that, Emily.
My great grandfather was run over by a train in an accident as a kid! My mom told me that he insisted on being able to dance before he married my great grandmother. I just learned this yesterday!
My goodness. That's incredible. Double amputee dancer. AWESOME.
Andrea, I love this piece! Read it first thing upon waking this morning -- what a lovely way to start Mother's Day. You captured your mom so beautifully, and there's so much to relate to. I'm glad I'm a paid subscriber so I could read to the end.
You rock, Leslie!!!! Thank you.
Beautiful and heartfelt observation of your mother and your relationship - what a gift! Thank you for sharing.
My pleasure, Honor. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Enjoyed very much this essay on your mom, your tribute. Thank you.
Thanks you!
Love to you & mom
love the video of your mom's hands. so beautiful!
They are beautiful. She used to be embarrassed by their agedness but no more.
i love hearing that. i am 69 with working hands, from catering and massage and genetics. i love the way my hands and fingers look. they're real and they're me. just like your mum.
Our hands tell our life story. Mine will never do nail commercials. Rock on!
love it, andrea!!!!!!!
Great to see your mom still in the kitchen,(and driving)! A gift for an entire life, Great inspiration. I have helped our mom, get back to her food roots.
Although our mothers are the same age, (90 this year). Our mom is an academic, (doesn’t drive anymore). A natural book worm who loves word finds, scrambles and (on a good day)occasional crosswords. She is half Chinese, part Japanese and Hawaiian.
We have gotten through some medical hoops thankfully with improved nutrition-where less is more, and simple is best. Mom has mid-late stage dementia.
I’m happy to have stumbled upon your site! Will make use of your delicious recipes!
Mot, Hai, Ba, YO!
Welcome! What a wonderful note about your mom. At 90, some dementia may just be natural aging.
1-2-3!!!
What a beautiful piece to read, Andrea, especially for me as a Vietnamese-American woman. Your mother sounds lovely and so similar to my own mother. Long post ahead. I don't have any children and don't plan to, but I am growing evermore cognizant of my mother aging especially this year, and we too are living in a phase of life where we’re in between.
My dad had a stroke 3 months prior (he is 78 and is stable in hospice care now) and she is a big worrywart (currently 65 years old). We are adjusting to the shift in family dynamic since we had a very traditional Vietnamese household where my dad did everything with paperwork/bills because he is fluent in English and my mom was the homemaker and raised the children (my sister and I, plus helping to raise a number of our cousins). My older sister and I (27) have been helping her with all the paperwork and phone calls following my dad's health declining. But she is also very much a do-er, like she can watch a recipe video on Youtube and has the confidence in her abilities to be able to do that, and is unafraid of any challenge. She always puts others first (her fatal flaw).
She immigrated to the US at age 31 and met my dad here in the US (the fateful story of how they met is for another post perhaps). She had me via natural birth at age 38, which is pretty late in life (especially in the 90s!). Her English is very broken but she understands it well enough, and she would chaperone at some of my school field trips when I was a kid purely because I asked her to.
She is the 5th oldest of 14 siblings (3rd oldest girl), and was very involved in raising her siblings and managing her family's medicine/general store in Hue.
She is very fit and active for her age, and is very healthy aside from her plantar fasciitis and occasional stomach pains. Last year, she got to return to Vietnam for the first time since they left 34 years prior, and it was very emotional for her. My sister and I were unable to go due to work conflicts, but we were exuberated for her (my dad declined to go as he fought for the Southern Vietnamese and refuses to return).
My sister and I call her the original "almond" mom/organic mom in our family because she was aware of the quality of the food/ingredients in America far before it became more common knowledge. She avoided fast food and restaurant food, and was adamant in cooking our meals every night instead of eating out. By day, she works with her hands to solder electronics while looking in a microscope, and by night, she would come home to make dinner for us no matter how tired she was, same as yours. Preparing food/meals for others is her love language. My sister and I always leave my mother's house with containers of food she made for us to take home (although it is more difficult for me now because I live further and need to take a flight back), and sometimes we leave with the occasional plant (that immediately perishes under my care 🥲). Our family parties always have amazing food due to her ability to basically cater for the party, making banh duc/beo, or banh canh for over 30 people, but the work required is definitely weighing on her at this point due to her age.
She loves to garden and has a thriving garden with a kaffir lime tree, chayote vines, a persimmon tree, Thai chili plant, and various Vietnamese herbs. She can spend hours out there and I often take pictures to document the life she has made in the US. She also has an outdoor kitchen space for frying.
When I visit home now, I ask my mom about her life before she came to the US, and what she did for fun when she was my age. I ask what her day-to-day was like and who her friends were, and what she did for work. Basically who she was before we came into the picture.
She is still very nimble in the kitchen, and, like your mother, cooking, television and the iPad keep her engaged. I got her Youtube Premium so she can watch all the videos of Vietnam vlogs and listen to Vietnamese music ad-free. I have also learned how to make a few dishes from her, like a pickled veggie dish similar to your mom's - dua gia (pickled bean sprouts/carrots/green onion or chive), as well as bo kho, thit kho trung/tom, ca kho, bun chay, and bun rieu. I would love to learn how to make her banh canh or banh beo next. There is so much more I would love to learn from and about my mother.
Appreciate your post and thank you for sharing and creating this space. Looking forward to your next update.
Hello Xi, What a lovely woman your mom is. A Hue woman making dua gia, bo kho, and thit kho trung -- she's got her southern Viet dishes down! You do need to ask her about banh beo, bun bo hue, and other central Viet dishes. Oh, and banh khoai too. I have a recipe for it in Ever-Green Vietnamese and think the Hue crepes are better than southern banh xeo.
Your mom and dad went through a lot in Vietnam. I hope you get more of her remembrances. Going back to visit is hard. My parents never went. Vietnam is no longer the country they knew.
Best regards to you, your mom and your entire family.
What a fantastic piece, Andrea. So relatable, so important.
Thanks, Martin. A lot of us are going through this kind of situation in quiet but we're not alone.
Love this piece about your mom. We’re the same age and my mom would be 74 if she were still alive. I’m happy to hear your mom may be considering hearing aids. I run a Costco Hearing Aid Center if you have any questions.
Maia! Thank you and I’m sorry that your mom is no longer around. Sigh.
And you run a hearing aid center at Costco. Awesome. Thank you for offering your expertise.
Beautiful!
Thank you, Maria!
Your mom sounds very much like you - practical and adaptable. Sadly, my mother-in-law refuses to get hearing aids and I worry that her hearing loss has exacerbated her depression and cognitive decline.
It's estimated that something like only 20% of people who need hearing aids get them. I have friends in their 70s who would benefit from them but they won't go for them. It doesn't come back so why miss out? I hope your mother-in-law changes her mind. Not fully experiencing life, especially in this phase, can be delibitating.
Absolutely adored reading this. Your parents are beautiful and I love how much you look like your dad.
I love your stories of family and Vietnam. I am a Vietnam Vet, 1967,1968,1970 and 1971. I have been back to Vietnam for vacations in 1998, 2008 and 2014. I have always loved the people and cherish the Vietnamese relationships I established here in the US. In 1970 I was stationed in Nhut Ninh, Long An Province. In the village, when we were not off fighting the war, my team often went downtown(?) for meals. The locals created a chicken stew that was very brown and delicious. Unfortunately, I have never found a similar dish here in the US. I do frequent Vietnamese restaurants here in Tucson but still no luck. Any ideas?
My mother died at 93 years of age. I still tell her stories. They make me feel so good. And I love and enjoy the stories of your mother. They remind me of mine.
Thank you and keep up the good work.....
Hi Andy, First off, thank for your service. Your tours of duty were much appreciated by many people, most of whom will never have the chance to thank you.
I'm thrilled that you are here. Vietnam has changed so much. I'm not 100 clear what the folks in Long An province made but maybe it was a Viet-French chicken stew that you had? Here's a recipe from my website: https://www.vietworldkitchen.com/blog/2022/03/vietnamese-chicken-ragout-recipe-ragu-ga.html
You have good genetics and your family's legacy lives in your telling your and your mom's stories. Our mothers had steely determination.
My very best to you, Andy.
It was my honor to serve especially in Vietnam. So many good memories from such a beautiful place. An education I truly appreciate.
Now, I know what I am cooking this weekend when I can do it justice. Thank you!
You experienced Vietnam in some wretched situations. I'm relieved to know that you have fond memories of the place and its flavors. I hope that stew has some aspect of what you enjoyed years ago.